10 August 2011

My Mom Wants One

Every time we go to any store my little miss gets complimented left and right. Hard to tell if it's sincere or because she's black. My mind will always wonder. If you're a transracial parent you know just what I mean and the struggle you have of wanting to believe every compliment is sincere. Reminds me of a previous post of mine.

Overheard an extremely frustrating comment in the local bulls-eye store a couple days ago. A mother was shopping with her daughter and her daughter's friend. The girls looked to be around eleven years old. They see my daughter and the girl says to her friend, "Look! That's what my mom wants - a black baby."

Uuuuugh! How can people not know how racist that is and how can people not teach their children better than that?! Feel blessed you have a child/children! Why does color matter? You don't seek out collecting one of each color! What in the world do people really mean when they say they "want a black one"? I still don't understand it. What does their being black have to do with it? They are children not pets!

This kinda crap makes me feel like I gotta get my kids the hell outta this state.

So what did I do? Admittedly I gotta get better at my reactions. I want them to be educational responses, but I am the type who most of the time cannot get a word out and thinks of the perfect thing to say later. I hope I'll get better with time. I stopped my grocery buggy with my children in it, swung my neck around, and gave the woman and her child the most outraged and shocked look I could. Best I could muster at the time. Better than ignoring. I want to learn to react with words. I caught the mom smiling at her daughter's words until she saw me stop and give her that look. Her face became flushed.

Some people will say that by choosing to adopt transracially I have invited these comments. Ridiculous. You choose to drive a car does that mean you are inviting people to run into you? No. You know it may happen, but you are not asking for it. Besides, I firmly believe that my children - the ones I have and the ones who may yet come - belong in our family. How they come to our family is not up to me.

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6 comments:

  1. I want a black baby too. That is, I want to adopt again and since all our adoptees are black, that's what race we will likely adopt again. Has nothing to do with "collecting" children, although they're all a blessing and I can't think of a better thing to collect! :)

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  2. It's sad that you have to go through that and people making comments like that. Sadly, when she gets to school, there will be more comments. I am Black American and my daughter comes home telling me comments people make about her hair being "bad hair" and others, and I thought I was the last generation (I'm 31) to go through that. Makes me upset, but the more you work on your responses and teach her her beauty...because of who SHE IS, she will be alright :) #stayfocused I'll be in prayer for you.

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  3. Ginger - Well I guess I could say the same for the same reason. You seem very much different than the people mentioned in the post.

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  4. NKC - I just hope I can learn the correct responses by the time she is old enough to understand them. Thank you for your kindness!

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  5. I hate it when I hear that. Like adopting a "black baby" is buying something at the store. Admittedly, I think my black babies are cuter than their white counterparts, but that's not why I adopted them. I think some people feel adopting trans-racially shows how open minded they are.

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  6. Kristin, I feel much the same.

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